Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
