Do vagina's smell?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
