sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
