she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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