Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
