he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
