My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
