...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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