I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
