I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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