I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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