Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
