I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
