Barsexuality is the new black.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
