Sry I called you an 8
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
