Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
