the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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