I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
