had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
