I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
