this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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