just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
