I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
