So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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