we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
