My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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