you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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