Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
