Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
