are you so shy because you have an std?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
