With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
