...so i touched it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
