can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
