i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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