So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
