Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
