Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
