Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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