I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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