dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
