If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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