dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My balls are so social today.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
