And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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