I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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