I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
