I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
