the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
