I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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