just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
