I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
