Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
As shirtless as possible
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
