OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
