I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
