Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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