Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
