I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
