You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
