I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
