I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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